Tribe.net. Local Connections Lavender Dawn http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#202048a6-2050-4260-957c-9094273db6da 2009-11-10T04:51:25Z 2009-11-10T04:51:25Z

Thanks Irena. Lav

Lavender Dawn 2009-11-10T04:51:25Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#1879c4e9-c935-4d6a-a105-1ea4cec8ea5e 2009-11-09T20:51:51Z 2009-11-09T20:51:51Z

Phenomenal Woman User Rating: 8.5 /10 (1690 votes) 0 Print friendly version 0 E-mail this poem to e friend 0 Send this poem as eCard 0 Add this poem to MyPoemList Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

irena 2009-11-09T20:51:51Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#e91af071-868d-4bd4-a0da-456b9f8b0395 2009-11-09T20:49:13Z 2009-11-09T20:49:13Z

Maya Angeliou was on the Today show this morning. Matt Lauer asked her to recite some of her poem "Phenominal Woman" and she did... Thats a good read for those bad days when every window reflects back your worst nightmare of how you look

irena 2009-11-09T20:49:13Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#49679698-3532-4a1e-a548-1e4888038f07 2009-11-08T22:23:42Z 2009-11-08T22:23:42Z

yah i'm with ya.. and not you're not a hypocrite. Does it help at all that even skinny women hate themselves and their bodies? Because they do. They see terrible flaws where you and i see loveliness. Blame the media and society,, Women in general hate their bodies no matter what they look like. We are bombarded with messages all the time from the time we first figure out we are woman that insist on unrealistic physical appearance. This we share with all our fellow women of every shape, size and shade. That's why we have to fight it in our own lives and out there in the world by holding up our heads and dancing with joy.

irena 2009-11-08T22:23:42Z Lavender Dawn http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#490de29d-b9f4-4a14-9f6f-5f25513cf538 2009-11-08T19:59:03Z 2009-11-08T19:59:03Z

Maybe we are doomed to a schizo body image. My husband pointed out that while I tirelessly proclaim that all women are beautiful and join tribes like BBBD, shamelessly teach BD( although I was rejected by the local performing troupe) and perform in public sans belly cover, I still have moments of intense body hatred. I'd like to think that my frustration stems form the various health issues that have crept in with my age and weight but sadly I must admit vanity does play a large part. Not really so much of what other people think, (I have made THAT much progress) but more about how I just don't like how my flesh droops or how you can't see my articulations under my fat as well I'd like. I don't like me and THAT stinks! No matter how many pep talks I give myself or how many vids of BBBDers I drool over, I still feel ugly, not all of the time, but enough of the time that it bugs me. So yeah, it's a weird split. I'm a fat advocate who sometimes hates being fat. Am I a hypocrite? Are ya with me? Lav

Lavender Dawn 2009-11-08T19:59:03Z Melissa http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#29dc706b-c806-474f-91a0-4817530f4fcd 2009-11-05T19:49:34Z 2009-11-05T19:49:34Z

You are beautiful! I watch videos with lovely women who could make 2 of me and I see beautiful dancers not the ugly word fat. I find myself wishing I had that kind of confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin like they obviously are. To me that is beautiful, no matter your size.

Melissa 2009-11-05T19:49:34Z Marta http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#456009ac-66c4-49b5-b0f5-a46c101b1c76 2009-11-05T14:55:19Z 2009-11-05T14:55:19Z

I hate coming off the stage feeling REALLY GOOD about your performance...and then two weeks later getting a copy of video and going..."oh" Yea, my dancing wasn't prefect, but I executed the moves really well, was on time with everyone, knew the dance inside and out....but the blob on the end of the row just didn't seem as graceful as the rest...*sigh*

Marta 2009-11-05T14:55:19Z Melissa http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#de714904-decf-4ba4-a6b8-bdc2f93dd70d 2009-11-04T20:07:57Z 2009-11-04T20:07:57Z

I battle the same internal critic daily. Doesn't matter if it's dancing or just wanting to look nice for the hubby.

Melissa 2009-11-04T20:07:57Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#38c4c61e-1bff-4fe7-874e-fd5d18c58c3d 2009-11-04T20:03:57Z 2009-11-04T20:03:57Z

awww tiger... i know how this is.. to be dancing away with my friends in front of the mirror practicing lower undulations and thinking i'm doing pretty well.. till i notice how much less the others are undulating. I'm getting better at taking a deep breath and telling myself that I can't let that make me give it up. That if i let that make me give it up, the weight and health issues will only get worse. And that i'm a better dancer than skinny women who never even try to dance. And most important, i'm a better dance now than i was a few weeks ago. I can feel the difference in my body even if it isn't so obvious to the eye. And the muscles i have under all this fluff are killer!!!!! You are a dancer. Carry yourself like one and you will be beautiful no matter what.

irena 2009-11-04T20:03:57Z tigerb http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#823a8e07-a85d-41d9-826e-67004dac55a0 2009-11-04T16:29:57Z 2009-11-04T16:29:57Z

I was thinking about this thread last night after seeing video of myself dancing back in February. I have high standards for dance and costuming. I was trying to be very objective watching myself dance. My arms were good, not too busy... I traveled a little more than I should have... my beladi dress looked nice. But. I really couldn't get past the fact that I looked so fat. That performance was at nearly my highest weight ever. I know I am a bigger than average person, mentally, but I so seldom see any video of myself that I forget that I move like a heavy person, lose definition of my hip work, et cetera. Watching this video was kind of a slap in the face. Now, part of the reason I DID it in the FIRST place was to point up the fact that you don't have to be thin to do this dance well -- and I think I did dance well. But now I am battling an INTERNAL critic who can focus on nothing but my size. ARG!

tigerb 2009-11-04T16:29:57Z Angell http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#c8ecb224-5728-4fc0-94ea-ba39ccb5b3be 2009-10-12T16:35:05Z 2009-10-12T16:35:05Z

Rock on! This is an awesome video and I love her attitude....

Angell 2009-10-12T16:35:05Z Integral http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#8c928e25-973c-4021-aa91-8fb8e1030707 2009-10-10T04:17:56Z 2009-10-10T04:17:56Z

please tell me it wasn't near Wentzville

Integral 2009-10-10T04:17:56Z Laughing Out Loud!! http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#90227adc-7229-4d39-b763-9063e77f0e2d 2009-09-13T19:04:56Z 2009-09-13T19:04:56Z

Some can be mean and cruel and very small minded indeed. I am sorry I and others have had to listen to their nonsense. I agree, we need to find something positive to say. Notice the things we like about a dancer, no matter the size. I myself just had the opportunity to start dancing with a wonderful teacher who did just that. Instead of spewing to me and others about things that she considered wrong with me, she was encouraging and told me, "the really wonderful thing about belly dance is it looks good on all body types. You looked fabulous today!" and then sincerely hugged me. Yes our ego's are fragile and I needed to hear that. Building up is better than tearing down.

Laughing Out Loud!! 2009-09-13T19:04:56Z michele http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#49acbe99-87a7-45e3-a7d2-13eac2c15a46 2009-08-28T22:04:51Z 2009-08-28T22:04:51Z

Thank You for putting into words what I could not! Safe Journeys to us all!

michele 2009-08-28T22:04:51Z Shira http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#00217913-8a44-48b1-a005-e66e863f2b99 2009-08-28T18:45:12Z 2009-08-28T18:45:12Z

There are people in this world who think the easiest way to feel better about themselves is to belittle others. Fayme, I'm afraid you had the misfortune of attracting one of those. Just remember, extremely thin women also get hated on. I know one dancer who released a video of herself at a time in her life when she was very, very thin due to a medical issue. She herself didn't like how thin she was at the time, and she commented to me about how she winced to look at the photos of herself from that point in time. (She obtained the necessary medical treatment, and although still thin today, she's now at a healthy level appropriate to her body type.) Anyway... over the years, it's amazing how many hurtful comments I've heard people make or seen them post on the Internet about this dancer's thinness. Of course, the people making these comments are incorrectly assuming that she CHOSE to be that thin, when in fact that's not the case at all. But they attack her video and say it's awful simply because she was extermely thin, and can't see past her thinness to look at the quality of the dancing. I think the best thing we, as human beings, can do is to set the example. Ie, instead of making hurtful comments about people whose body types are different from our own, we should comment on the beauty of each unique individual. And if strangers take it upon themselves to behave rudely to us, just remember that their rudeness says alot about who THEY are, and their words don't apply to who WE are.

Shira 2009-08-28T18:45:12Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#11c4aa0a-b863-4a25-a14b-eac282e473a9 2009-07-24T04:03:44Z 2009-07-24T04:03:44Z

i think we do a disservice to ourselves and others if we let small minded people (double entendre?) control our lives. Maybe we even do the small minded people a disservice because we don't help them open up their limited views of beauty. I'm not saying i'm glad i ended up large with this in mind.. to bring diversity to the world lol... But here i am.. abundant, rubenesque, fluffy..fat.. whatever term you want to use. And i'm going to live my life and if that encourages someone else.. okay.. If it makes someone rethink their assumptions.. okay....IF not.. i'm still happily dancing..

irena 2009-07-24T04:03:44Z suzan http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#78c75713-c4f5-4d24-acd0-f56c2a248020 2009-07-24T02:26:50Z 2009-07-24T02:26:50Z

I have been thinking alot about this post. Have been wondering if my personality and my perception of life are shaped because of my size? or inspite of it? I have always been fairly out going although there were a few years that were dark. The few times I did dance on stage I hoped it would give other larger ladies (and men) the confidence to at least get up and try.

suzan 2009-07-24T02:26:50Z Melissa http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#5bb3d003-1369-4008-b706-4b850ab22867 2009-07-14T15:36:20Z 2009-07-14T15:36:20Z

It's a struggle for me everyday. I've had low self-esteem since as far back as I can remember and the only time it was ever at a high was when I was thinner. I know I'll never get back to a size 8, that's just not my body anymore. I'm working on loving myself, finding myself and belly dance has helped. I may not be ready for the stage or showing pics of myself below the face but I'm slowly getting there. Thanks for sharing the video.

Melissa 2009-07-14T15:36:20Z Bibia http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#ca6b8392-8b3a-4852-8ff8-f83f7996a7e9 2009-07-07T00:12:20Z 2009-07-07T00:12:20Z

Funny how I was thinking this same thing about how fragile our egos can be. I have been dancing for four years and been in student troupe for two. I am a BBW, 5'2" and in the 230ish range. Oh and I'm 54. I love dancing. I love what it does for me and I love the movement as well. With that being said, I have regressed somewhat in how I feel about myself in the dance. In the last couple of years I've gained around 30lbs and I've had some personal things going on in my life and last summer I took a hiatus from dance due to injury and and some other reasons. Now, find myself comparing myself to the other dancers (they are prettier and skinnier than I am, etc.) and I don't want to perform because I don't want to be made fun of. Practices are horrendous for me right now. It's like I can't keep up with what they are all doing. And though, nobody has said anything, I'm saying to myself instead. Oh yeah, there is a crack about "are you going to take pictures when we perform on Friday?" or "we need your help when we are performing in a couple of weeks". So I am getting the idea that I'm not welcome to perform right now. Yes, I have some issues and yes, I'm trying to deal with them, however, I have never talked to anyone in troupe about it and I'm not going to either. So I am in this same place I was when I was a teen and I want to hide and I want to quit and I sometimes feel like I never want to do anything again. Thanks for letting me vent.

Bibia 2009-07-07T00:12:20Z Rachel http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#db8e1609-c2c1-4fa2-8962-4728c123ae5a 2009-07-06T21:13:47Z 2009-07-06T21:13:47Z

I'm sorry to hear about that "Negative Nelly", who posted on your comments. It's too bad she is projecting her own self-hate onto your beautiful self. There is an interesting blog I've discovered that has helped me deal with my own weight issues. It's a lot of extremely interesting stuff, somewhat on the technical side, but very well written. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I do: http://junkfoodscience.blogspot.com/ Rachel

Rachel 2009-07-06T21:13:47Z Patricia http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#287bb28d-b268-4284-8e47-64b5c84d1db4 2009-07-06T20:29:37Z 2009-07-06T20:29:37Z

Social media seems to bring out the nastiest people. Try not to let it bother you - the whole living well is the best revenge kinda thing. They're probably just insecure and immature. I still remember one time I was eating lunch, having ordered both soup and salad. One woman seemed very concerned with what I was eating. I felt like saying to her "you're sitting there with a cute guy and you have time to worry about MY lunch?" And now that I am a cranky old coot, I would say it. And yes, I would be one of those nekkid fat ladies with a fat wallet if it weren't for the internet. J.Jill.com has some really nice clothes that go up to about a 28.

Patricia 2009-07-06T20:29:37Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#3343d455-5788-4c93-9899-4a09290eeabb 2009-07-05T03:13:02Z 2009-07-05T03:13:02Z

Renee.. when people do that to me.. i just find them pathetic.. how damn boring is their life that they have the time and energy to monitor my freaking grocery cart...

irena 2009-07-05T03:13:02Z $item.owner.firstName http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#4091a564-947a-4146-bdd9-7aed939c85d3 2009-07-04T22:23:11Z 2009-07-04T22:23:11Z

Fayme...I'm sorry this happened to you! I love it when people look into my shopping cart, what I've gotten out of the vending machine at work, and I've even had people look onto my plate while eating in a restaurant. Their audacity utterly amazes me at times.

$item.owner.firstName 2009-07-04T22:23:11Z irena http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#10d82ff8-d0f3-4892-a69b-9319a6c5ce8d 2009-07-04T19:07:14Z 2009-07-04T19:07:14Z

Fayme part of my journey into acceptance of my shape included noticing that the vast majority of the people in the malls looked like me.. not like the clothes in the window. I sought out vendors and stores that cater to us and understand that we dont' need to wear sack cloth and ashes. They are few and far between but they are there. About this time I found a store in Portland Or called Magical Creations. What a luxury. Colorful, fun fashionable clothes and sales people as ample as I am. Larger dressing rooms. Now I mostly shop online because i live in BFE. Generally i do okay with bitchy teenagers cause i know Karma will get them soon enough.. Be nice to old fat ladies.. you're gonna be one someday!!!!

irena 2009-07-04T19:07:14Z Fayme http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#c6006b8c-dfa1-45bb-872b-6f92df2bbfa3 2009-07-04T01:33:05Z 2009-07-04T01:33:05Z

Funny you should mention high schools. A few years after I graduated my high school actually paid me money to come back and belly dance at their renaissance faire on campus. This knot of black girls kept following me around and sneering. I went to adjust my bra so I could pick up my things to go and she says quite loudly, "Stop playing with yourself." I think that age group is particularly hard to dance for. I always cringed when someone hired us to do any kind of performance in a high school. The Fat Rant was interesting. I stopped shopping at those stores years ago. Most of the time the salespeople act like I'm invisible. But recently when my daughter's visited, we dragged through every shop at the mall. One of my daughter's had just had a baby and suddenly found herself too big for any of the clothes she used to wear. I'm sure a lot of new mom's find that to be true once they stop wearing their maternity clothes. I guess those shops don't need our money because they never seem to change. If I'm lucky there are 2 shops that carry over a size 20 in any mall, while there may be be 20 that carry the other sizes. I'm guessing there are a lot of fat people running around naked with fat bank accounts that they would have spent on clothing if the stores only paid attention..

Fayme 2009-07-04T01:33:05Z Bellatrix http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#640b0340-875b-4883-9fe8-5a285ba22dde 2009-07-04T00:10:17Z 2009-07-04T00:10:17Z

I feel for you, sweetheart. :) Boy, we've all been there. Just last weekend for me, as a matter of fact. My troupemates & I went up to a REALLY small town in Missouri, about 3 hours from where I live, to perform at their local festival. We were invited by my troupemates family, who grew up in the town. I didn't think anything of it as I dressed in my half-shirt & metal bra: http://people.tribe.net/524bcd6f-66c8-4f9e-bb13-690368bc49b6/photos/b97208c5-24da-4378-a414-fa93c6c882e0 Then we pulled up and got out of the car.... Right next to a group of the local high school students... Who openly pointed and sneered at me & my bared belly. And even though I'm over 30 & fairly confident in my bad self, suddenly I was 16 again. Ugh. And now I get to get onstage & dance in front of these peopl. Woo. Hoo. Throughout the entire number - did I focus on the bright faces of the excited little girls up front, or the throng of clapping elderly townsfolk in the back of the audience? No. ALL of my attention was on those handful of sneering teenagers off to the left... WHY? Cause, like you said it's so easy for those negative things to take over our entire thought process. Thanks for posting this, Fayme -- at least I know I'm not alone when those moments rear their ugly heads. And here's a great video I love to pull up whenever I'm not feeling so good about ALL of me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA

Bellatrix 2009-07-04T00:10:17Z Fayme http://bigbeautifulbellydancers.tribe.net/thread/15185173-3bb6-46f1-af43-652c08536789#511acd92-817a-4c8e-af96-a31bd3d3f504 2009-07-03T23:47:45Z 2009-07-03T23:47:45Z

Sometimes it seems like we are working and working on building up our self esteem. Learning to dance is a piece of cake compared to learning to keep your self esteem in a good place. Today I posted on Flickr some photos of my legs for 'Fishnet Friday'. Now I do get a lot of good comments on my photos, but somehow those don't really stick with me. But a woman on Flickr left a comment that was only 2 words. And those 2 words sent me into an emotional tailspin, once again making me wonder why we let such trivialities affect our fragile little egos. Those two words were 'Ugly Woman". I blocked her, but then after I got my head together I went to look at her photo stream. She has 1984 in her flickr name so I'm thinking she's about 25. Other than the headshot on her avatar, the rest of her photos are blocked from public view. In short, she can dish it out but can't take it. But enough about her. I went to Youtube to listen to a vlog I had seen last year about fat belly dancers. Let me put the link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpjA_eNPbqA . Basically we all have days when we feel pretty and days when we feel ugly, but when all is said and done we still have to live our lives. I don't want to give up any of my dreams or my life because random people think I'm ugly. I wish I could just put this issue to bed once and for all and just love myself, like myself, like the way I look in the mirror, and just not care what others think. The haters are out there, have always been out there, and aren't going away anytime soon. And the more you put yourself out there in public, whether it's on youtube, or dancing at you local events, you will no doubt attract some of these haters that have nothing better to do than take a shot.

Fayme 2009-07-03T23:47:45Z