Last night's dance class went ok. There's a part in one of the dances I just cannot seem to get. Either I take too big of steps, or too small of steps, or am too far away from my partner...and I keep missing the cane when it comes to tossing it to my partner and catching the one my partner tosses. It's not actually a toss, it's more of a hand off with a little toss. Hard to explain...we're sort of doing a little pony step then a one-two-three (Right Left Right) step, which then we "toss" the canes to each other...repeat...and repeat. She says I'm moving away from her, the circle needs to be tight...in which case, she's getting too far ahead and ends up right on my butt and we can't pass the canes...and the circle is TOO tight, there's not enough room to toss the canes.

I didn't have this problem with it when my old partner was there (she's now away at college), but dancing it with my instructor...I don't know. She's almost too...hurried...or something with me.

Maybe one of my friends is right about it. One of my fellow troupe members, and the one that's been helping me when we can get together, mentioned a few things she's noticed about me in class. It's like I'm expected to KNOW these dances as soon as I learn them. I end up struggling to learn these dances and I become so serious, and she can tell I'm frustrated.

Instructor's attention tends to be on two of the other students, who have danced for years in various other classes...one of them even teaches herself!! Neither one of them dance with the troupe and our instructor is always making sure they have it down, but when I have questions, I'm expected to know it already, or she doesn't break it down enough for me. Maybe because I'm not asking the right questions...or maybe my questions aren't as "technical" as theirs, since they've danced for longer than I have...

However, when my friend tries to show me, our instructor snaps at her about "If she wants to teach the class, then do it on her own time." Even though my friend and I are talking quietly on the far side of the room and Jane's helping the other two students.

Now, one of Jane's former students and former troupe member has returned to the troupe and dancing and was learning Cane with us, and when Jane stopped to help the two students, one of our troupe members was helping the returning student with Cane, and our instructor never once stopped her. Of course, returning student was received with great joy by Jane.

My friend seems to think that our instructor is catering to the two students because she's trying to get them to join the troupe and dance with us for performances...but if they haven't by now, despite all their experiences...I think continuing to cater to them is just a waste of time, especially when there are other students trying to learn that DO dance with the troupe.

Gods, this makes me sound jealous...and I'm maybe I am a little. I don't know. I'm getting frustrated. I'm trying really hard to learn, but it seems I can't learn it, or something's wrong with me.

I'm going to be returning to the Beginner class as well. Our instructor asked me to help put bodies in the class and offered me free classes in Beginner. She's teaching a dance in there that I want to learn and only has a couple of Beginner students. So I said I would do it. Hey, can't beat Free...and after yesterday's class, I feel like I should be in Beginner Level anyway. Hell, maybe she was even hinting I need to return to the Beginner class.

I got home from class and just felt like a failure. She emailed me later to apologize for being snappish with me, that she had dental work done and she was stressed. After class, I didn't even stay very long to socialize as I normally do. She had her two students and the returning student, who is really nice...(she complimented me on the webpage I did for the troupe, was impressed with how it looked)...and I was depressed, so I just got my stuff and left without saying goodbye to anyone.

Bleh...

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